We’ve heard the demands! You’ve been requesting it for years! And it’s finally here! A portrait of the Green Tortuga!

Enjoy waking up with a view of your Great Leader every morning by your bedside, or display in a prominent location in your living room for guests to admire. Everyone else will be green with envy!

Suitable for framing!

For those who would also like to honor the #2 man on Atlas Quest, there is also a poster of Wassamatta_u available!

Suitable for framing! Free “Wassa’s Eye Bleach Patch” included!

This is the puzzle you’ve always wanted! Spend an afternoon or two putting together this delightful 997-piece puzzle of Marjorie. Previously used, but in excellent condition!

Suitable for framing!

When you need guidance and help finding that particularly difficult-to-find box, nothing helps more lighting these AQ ceremonial candles, chanting the AQ Letterboxer’s Chant and praying to the Great Green One for divine help.

There is even some evidence that they may help reduce mosquito populations and put to sleep snakes, cockroaches and angry chipmunks that might be located near the boxes you are seeking.

Matches not included. Suitable for burning.

Trying to get healthy and cut the salt intake? We’ve got the perfect item: salt-free sugar packets! Now enjoy your cup of Joe without all that added salt with our patent-pending salt-free sugar packets!

Comes in packs of 100

Looking to cut the fat without losing the taste? Try our new fat-free salt packages! High in important nutrients like sodium and 100% organic, harvested from the sweet sweat of a Tortuga hiking through the pristine Arizona deserts.

100% organic and made in the USA!

Comes in sets of 3, since supply is extremely limited.

Finally, an alternative to all the lard stuffed with sugar and artificial flavors! This tub of lard includes absolutely no sugar or artificial sweeteners, and is 100% pure lard. Perfect for getting a letterbox out of a tight tree hollow or even useful for cooking!

100% organic and made in the USA.

Fake rock? This is even better! This highly-realistic poo has a hidden mini-compartment on the bottom that allows you to hide a letterbox that nobody will ever touch! To reinforce the mirage, it even goes one step further with a noxious scent applied to keep even the most curious muggles away!

100% organic and made in the USA.

Sprinkle a few of these on your letterboxes and muggles will avoid your box like the plague... or rather, like a plague of invading spiders!

If spiders alone are not enough to protect your box against muggles, upgrade with this highly-realistic snake that looks like it’s angry and about to strike! The space inside the coil is large enough to fit a small letterbox, reducing the need to cover it with rocks or sticks.

Are you annoyed at those stupid boxes at events that are locked up tight and require solving a complex cipher in order to get the lock combination to open?

Not anymore! With our lock-picking set, you can skip the mental puzzles and break into the box using non-destructive methods! Kit includes two picks, two rakes, three tension bars and a practice lock! Fun for the whole family!

Wassa-flocking! Image the horror and delight your letterboxing friends will have when they discover potentially hundreds of Wassa faces that you stuck into their front lawn during the night!

Maybe you’re terrified of being Wassa-flocked. Never fear! You can insure yourself against a full-fledged invasion by inoculating your yard with just a single Wassa face.

They are good for at least one month or until the first rain—whichever comes first. After that, you may need to purchase additional Wassa insurance.

We all know Silver Eagle helped build the pyramids, so how does he keep his relatively youthful look? I dug into the matter and discovered the secret he has been hoarding for centuries! Silver Eagle has been drinking from the famed Fountain of Youth, which cures everything from bunions to old age! Now you too can enjoy this magical potion!